A page from his diary

I had seen her for just two days and it seemed to me that i know her from ages.First day when our eyes crossed, she saw me sitting beside her and i was asked my name.Second day i made her reproduce my name and play flute for me.I recorded her voice captured her eyes and deleted that file on my way back to lodge.
When i had seen her first time She was sitting at the stairs of temple.Her eyes were closed as if eye lashes were trying to veil the pain within.Her back was towards the entrance of temple as if she is angry with God , and when she opened her eyes, in transient time i could spot a tear.Her canto concluded with a note that i used to play.I haven't tried it from past two decades and two more years, still i could not convince my cerebral cavity and cardiac nerves that it was not mine: They were adamant in their belief.
That night i couldn't sleep, i was thralled down by the imagination. I was feeling a drift towards that swing, that tree where I first realized the 'love' and happened to fall in it. I was in love with chilling winters of Almora and with a little gujarati girl. i gifted her my kashmiri shawl and she in return gave me SMILE. (this is second time in my life i am visiting Almora ). I never discussed it with anyone , even mother of my teenage Malika never asked me about her , after our first tryst.
Malika my daughter was doing hospitality course and was there at Almora for next two months. She has to complete her internship at the mental hospital. I had seen that golden girl in the premise of that hospital only, while waiting for my Malika, with her favorite chocalate and A last tea for the next two months.
I returned back to my lodge, had cups of Almora tea, and completed my office work.I had to say sorry to someone with a pearl necklace whose trip was ruined because of me, and promised  to take her to local kashmir market on weekend.

This episode is recorded in my diary approximately nine weeks after it actually happened. Today malika returned and we were having tea and she was telling me about her experiences.She told me about lady who own that hospital, and her daughter. The Daughter or the temple girl, was a twenty one year old lady but due to improper genes she never grew physically. She was even the first registered patient at that hospital. She showed me here experience certificate signed by Ms. ZAANIA ( Still a Ms......... )
And i recapitulated that the golden girl outside temple had kashmiri eyes , resembling mine.

I choose...

I planned a perfect day, as perfect memories were shattered on the floor of my room and I began to gather them all. I saw 'Jolly' crawling over them, and her saliva dropped over our favorite picture. “How the candle melts embracing the flow of winds around it , and if winds try to blow in a harsh manner it just blows off, same was I, I used to melt in his arms but until he is mild and gentle with me, any harshness used to quiver me….”

The ‘perfect memory’ was having us, me and my magic guy! and it was a perfect day for me and my Jolly, as it was Sunday. I can’t play piano neither I am good at chords of guitar but I love listening to them. Somehow Jolly seems to understand it all , within less than thousand mornings of her life…

‘Deno’ the music teacher of the school I work in, used to took tutions in the morning every summer and I never miss to take Jolly there. I mite seem wrinkled face to others but to deno I was the Sunday charm, even though he can’t see me, he cant see mornings and nights either.

Jolly was sitting beside the guitar very much into the chords, trying something with her tiny finger .She never seemed so much into my anecdotes as into the music, though she used to listened to them accompanied with Deno on his synthesizer , he used to listen it all and forced me to continue writing.

Coming back to perfect day , I cooked pasta and grilled vegetables for the school kids and me and Deno served them with cookies from the famous store of the town. Smiles of those little angels made it perfect for me, rather us!

I knew its going to rain today, I am regular listener of weather forecasts in this strange land, and I took out my cigar to ward off my thoughts with smoke . I had chosen a lonely alcove in the house, to be with me only. The lake and the white birds on it formed my view, and the thunder storm winds blew away my stole. I  felt Deno could see me, even though he can’t, but his piano was silent, only Jolly was playing with chords which was ephemeral. The picture from the morning memory came into my mind and I was sure that if it would have been part of a movie dealing in romance at school, it could have created a market of hit publicity. It pictures perfectly the school kids in love, the genre of movie I don’t wish Jolly to watch as I followed them in my days.

Suddenly I felt something on my shoulders, and crawling down, it was emotionless to me, and I turned to look into his eyes which seemed to see me….

Just a step later I was reminded about my cherished past the moment as I listened to the chords of guitar plucked by Jolly, I quailed next moment.

And, I am writing it tonight as tomorrow I am moving to the another strange land, as I don’t wanna fall in love. I know what I want and what I always desired. I have seen, listened to the grief of love. I don’t wana be part of them as a bad memory and as a painful chapter. So whenever it seems to me that I am becoming second chapter in someone’s life I choose to Quit.

I wanna share it to all girls , not only my Jolly who will be feeling same, going through same phase.”Dont choose to move on, if you have to step back! “

"AND she will loose...CHARM"

Blooming orchids were tied to form a beautiful bouquet, and i was looking at it so very lost in thoughts that its blue and violet reflections could be seen in the cornea of my eye.Trying to sense the beauty through my nostrils i was missing the Indian rose and its delight. The cigar close to the ring and very close to my cardiac nerve, was effecting my lungs negatively, but i was looking towards its prose only . I could ward off my imaginary problems away from me in the form of smoke.  the smoke drifted away from me along with the wind taking an escape from the roof of four wheeler i was driving. It faded my view of twinkling stars and nearly half moon and i compared it to fading of magic which used to be part of my life.
Its not like that ,i spend much time in writing or i am writing for the first time ,but its like that i want to pen down something for my little jolly. I am having clay of thoughts and experiences and i want it all to be part of her castle in crude form.

The curls or straights , but whenever they used to fall on her rosy cheeks, i used to dream California Disneyland with one eye,and swing of Ferris wheel at town fate from the other eye. She spread her arms towards me and now my eye lashes were all wet & i touched her lips with mine,trying not to hurt her with dried lips of mine still feeling our breaths mixing. I am no beautiful beholder but she was real beauty.
The girl who will be evidencing cigars more than pencil's to pour out imaginations. I will be feeding her play with smoke of my cigar to make oval's and circles in the air...n see them vanish.
I her mum has chosen this fate for her and myself.The night of orchids and cigars flash-backed again as if it happened just , that she had just kicked my belly for the first time,and i had chosen to kick away the magic and move on with smoke around me.........I FELT...I.AS if i had lost it A moment back! ONLY..........