Complexities and Interactions

Time to write for you Jolly,

I do not want to read “rebel” girls to you tonight, what if you do not want to be rebel or not comfortable being girl.

Who controls your mind and body! (re)create your emotions, crawl over your curves and let you do same? Have you thought that? 

No one or everyone you interact and everything (non human too) you interact, world is not made of human beings only. Yes! Everything controls in some or the other relations. 

Jolly look around many a times, actually most of the times you are in a space full of material artefacts and everything is interacting with you. Realising few and not sensing some of those is also something worth pondering over. 

Dear, it is getting complicated, I know! But over the years I have started to believe that world is that way and I need to share it with you, I need to share it with us, by sharing it with you. 

You remember when was the last time you were sitting on a chair and your skin got mark. You must have noticed sometimes but not always. It was some object very close to your physical body and in that interaction it got materialised as mark: a change in skin, something that you felt by visual senses, touch and may be smell (if object was interacting in a manner to cause your skin to sweat). This is every inanimate, harmless experience but other interactions may be different and some may have ability to create complex feelings, emotions (good, bad, positive negative). The very fact that you and he/she were so close that you could say that as touch, the cover of blanket over that touch (added another ability to it)— if that is making you feel something, live it and do not be scared. You need not be scared dear that is what I am trying to tell you here, do not let blanket (cover) tell you to miss out something, or force you to experience other things. This will happen and this is complexities of interactions.

So Jolly, If you realise that you need to do something, do it! if you value that thing, value in that moment (and its on you to define moment as immediate, later or never, it can be as fuzzy as you feel like). You need not be definite in your interactions as definitive is normative and normative is control (control over our emotions and body, control over our physical, metaphysical and digital selves). 

This is as complicated as it reads, that is how things are. Do not be scared of complexities and interactions.

Love

Zaania

The story is still untold!!

Post midnight, as she was wide awake,

Thoughts unfolded, creating another space.

Where she  was lying beneath the stars. 

Wind directed, night watchers added sound to the stage.

As she enjoyed the play of clouds,

wondering if they were leading or it is the Moon.

Darkness was transitory, so was the moonlight.

And stars seemed to have stage freight.

These thoughts could not hold her for long.


And as she is trying to recreate the play,

faded memories shape the NEW one.

Nothing remained same, by the dawn.

The story is still untold, as memories are gone.

Death is certain, living is your choice….

Death is certain, living is your choice…. 

If I will start this paragraph with small alphabets, if I won’t put proper punctuation, and If I will just keep the alignment the way I wish to, and force you all to read it, Will I be a rebel? Will I ever succeed then, as I am breaking a established convention? I thought of trying this at first. But here I am following the convention. I have not dropped my idea, rather I thought of introducing it to the world if I wish to follow it, using conventional well established medium. Any new Idea evolves, taking either negation or assumption from old. 

The fancy heels and stylish bag, glossy lipstick and a pair of dangling earrings, have I ever been like this? I was browsing my phone gallery and answer was in affirmation. But, the dominance was of a careless loafers, BLUE jeans, and some attire to add RED and GREEN more. This sounds strange to many, looks weird to a huge lot of chauvinist but, for me it has always been the color choices in the palette if mixed equally give pure white. I have affinity towards purity of mind and the beauty of black. If I never followed the conventions, at-least with globally defined colors of Party or social serene sophisticated gatherings. Why am I bothering about conventions then in other choices of my life?

This is what I mean when I say about not following the conventions rather introducing my whims and making people believe in it. I have introduced one additional task on my hand and that is making people believe too. As sometimes choices you make effect socio economic environment of your life, and in this comes as an extra baggage.
An incident might give clarity to you all befuddled readers, and it goes like this. I was travelling one day with luck on my cards as I met Mr …. , the well known face of high TRP comedy series. I asked to him       “ HOW WAS IT? .. YOUR JOURNEY I MEAN “ .  I was more lucky   to have the the reply that made me ponder on changing my choice from imposition without conviction to, have a convinced unconditional support system first in my habitat and then I can impose it on the world. He said “On the dining table when I used to make people laugh, I was the most beloved person of my family… and to reach to dining table of millions of audience I have to leave that table in silence but after conviction that if ever I will fall I will still have some of them to share the dinner and laugh on my jokes with me. “  Here I clarify and support the point I made previously ‘making people have believe my choice, or rather few people believe me’.
Not following the norms is no harm, not praising the beauty is no arrogance, not following the rules is no rebel, and the desire to conquer is not fascism always. In the end if you can make others appreciate your trophy of life you are winner for all, lest you have lived a life that was only yours!! 
The title follows Death is certain, living is your choice…

A Good morning With Aalo parantha instead IDLI DOSA

This is good morning of a homeless wanderer, from the home: in the city /region of AALO paranta/jalebi-Khasta/samosa, Loads of aaloo, calories for Sunday morning. The home :a place sill less influenced by concept of weekends, dip tea, coffee machines or TGIF. I am also living or rather say wanderer in a region of outlook, meetings, quarterly reviews  IDLI / VADA pao mornings. So this unusual Saturday morning @ home for me has its own aroma,
own music, own language and my very own people.

Lets Talk about this home-less wanderer category: OUR category, Haves and Have not's .
This life is more charming than what we have at our native. Every month credits, every weekend debits, meal passes, coffee: lavaza, Vodka shots and friends with benefits...

The home has morning prayers, somebody taking care of four time meals, fight over television remote, cousins and their kids, A vegetable vendor like family member, Every room in home occupied by Known and related members, A flower garden, NAGGING and HUGGING, The place is HOME.

I am not willing to showcase one of the life as bad, but I felt a contrast in morning and that made me do comparative analysis and grade the life... ( IT sector employee, everything has ratings). for every analysis we need logs or prefer test cases to validate. : So much influenced..

The logs say: We can not leave the charming life as economically home has less to offer to cater our needs, but we can have a balance if we wish to. We can remove the blindfold  Again its we can, not we should. ( Analysis may be wrong, as I am very new employee and stills my submissions have plenty of reviews and comments... )

I was reading about ABDUL KALAM, he was unaffected by chaos around and social aroma, He just worked for his dream. Then a doubt came in my mind AM I KALAM? ARE WE??
Answer was: We are IT Sector employees, with RF id tags associated, I can not define our dreams our projects and then I hunted for some positive in this, Indeed it was very positive.
We are adding value to our country by working in products or providing services.Many of us are working to pay back education loans, support our families behind, and dream : Then work for those new DREAMS. ..

So it says ALL IS WELL: just have a real smile, and keep evaluating WHAT LOST/ WHAT GAINED.

                                                                                                                                        Signing off
                                                                                                                                 IT sector employee
                                                                                                                                 ( like millions )

A page from his diary

I had seen her for just two days and it seemed to me that i know her from ages.First day when our eyes crossed, she saw me sitting beside her and i was asked my name.Second day i made her reproduce my name and play flute for me.I recorded her voice captured her eyes and deleted that file on my way back to lodge.
When i had seen her first time She was sitting at the stairs of temple.Her eyes were closed as if eye lashes were trying to veil the pain within.Her back was towards the entrance of temple as if she is angry with God , and when she opened her eyes, in transient time i could spot a tear.Her canto concluded with a note that i used to play.I haven't tried it from past two decades and two more years, still i could not convince my cerebral cavity and cardiac nerves that it was not mine: They were adamant in their belief.
That night i couldn't sleep, i was thralled down by the imagination. I was feeling a drift towards that swing, that tree where I first realized the 'love' and happened to fall in it. I was in love with chilling winters of Almora and with a little gujarati girl. i gifted her my kashmiri shawl and she in return gave me SMILE. (this is second time in my life i am visiting Almora ). I never discussed it with anyone , even mother of my teenage Malika never asked me about her , after our first tryst.
Malika my daughter was doing hospitality course and was there at Almora for next two months. She has to complete her internship at the mental hospital. I had seen that golden girl in the premise of that hospital only, while waiting for my Malika, with her favorite chocalate and A last tea for the next two months.
I returned back to my lodge, had cups of Almora tea, and completed my office work.I had to say sorry to someone with a pearl necklace whose trip was ruined because of me, and promised  to take her to local kashmir market on weekend.

This episode is recorded in my diary approximately nine weeks after it actually happened. Today malika returned and we were having tea and she was telling me about her experiences.She told me about lady who own that hospital, and her daughter. The Daughter or the temple girl, was a twenty one year old lady but due to improper genes she never grew physically. She was even the first registered patient at that hospital. She showed me here experience certificate signed by Ms. ZAANIA ( Still a Ms......... )
And i recapitulated that the golden girl outside temple had kashmiri eyes , resembling mine.

I choose...

I planned a perfect day, as perfect memories were shattered on the floor of my room and I began to gather them all. I saw 'Jolly' crawling over them, and her saliva dropped over our favorite picture. “How the candle melts embracing the flow of winds around it , and if winds try to blow in a harsh manner it just blows off, same was I, I used to melt in his arms but until he is mild and gentle with me, any harshness used to quiver me….”

The ‘perfect memory’ was having us, me and my magic guy! and it was a perfect day for me and my Jolly, as it was Sunday. I can’t play piano neither I am good at chords of guitar but I love listening to them. Somehow Jolly seems to understand it all , within less than thousand mornings of her life…

‘Deno’ the music teacher of the school I work in, used to took tutions in the morning every summer and I never miss to take Jolly there. I mite seem wrinkled face to others but to deno I was the Sunday charm, even though he can’t see me, he cant see mornings and nights either.

Jolly was sitting beside the guitar very much into the chords, trying something with her tiny finger .She never seemed so much into my anecdotes as into the music, though she used to listened to them accompanied with Deno on his synthesizer , he used to listen it all and forced me to continue writing.

Coming back to perfect day , I cooked pasta and grilled vegetables for the school kids and me and Deno served them with cookies from the famous store of the town. Smiles of those little angels made it perfect for me, rather us!

I knew its going to rain today, I am regular listener of weather forecasts in this strange land, and I took out my cigar to ward off my thoughts with smoke . I had chosen a lonely alcove in the house, to be with me only. The lake and the white birds on it formed my view, and the thunder storm winds blew away my stole. I  felt Deno could see me, even though he can’t, but his piano was silent, only Jolly was playing with chords which was ephemeral. The picture from the morning memory came into my mind and I was sure that if it would have been part of a movie dealing in romance at school, it could have created a market of hit publicity. It pictures perfectly the school kids in love, the genre of movie I don’t wish Jolly to watch as I followed them in my days.

Suddenly I felt something on my shoulders, and crawling down, it was emotionless to me, and I turned to look into his eyes which seemed to see me….

Just a step later I was reminded about my cherished past the moment as I listened to the chords of guitar plucked by Jolly, I quailed next moment.

And, I am writing it tonight as tomorrow I am moving to the another strange land, as I don’t wanna fall in love. I know what I want and what I always desired. I have seen, listened to the grief of love. I don’t wana be part of them as a bad memory and as a painful chapter. So whenever it seems to me that I am becoming second chapter in someone’s life I choose to Quit.

I wanna share it to all girls , not only my Jolly who will be feeling same, going through same phase.”Dont choose to move on, if you have to step back! “